Last night, my beloved Chicago Bears continued their emulation of Chicago’s other Ursidae-christened sports team (the Cubs, obviously), by losing to the Dallas Cowboys 41-28, all but eliminating them from playoff contention.

Bears playoffs says the bears still have a 0.01% chance of making the playoffs, but I can’t even begin to imagine a viable scenario that doesn’t involve rival teams’ planes being lost in the Bermuda Triangle.


I’m not surprised that the Bears lost, as that’s what they’ve seemed to do the vast majority of my lifetime (their only Super Bowl win occurred 3 months before I was born). What did surprise me was the sad, dark turn their social media took. What began with a cautiously optimistic tone quickly started to read more like someone trying to livetweet a root canal.  

And then the injuries began…

  Okay, not bad. 0-0 at the end of the first. 


 Alright, looks like the Bears are cranking it up! Cutty and Marshall!

 …aaaand I spoke too soon. 

 The Bears ended up scoring a touchdown, tying the game at 7. Later, the team revealed that Brandon Marshall would not be returning to the game after leaving with injured ribs.

The Cowboys scored a quick touchdown before the half, regaining the lead, 14-7. By the end of the 3rd quarter, Dallas led 35-7. This, coupled with yet another injury (Chris Conte), seemed to signal the end of the Bears’ playoff hopes.

Moments later, the Bears countered, scoring a 27-yard touchdown on a pass from Cutler to Alshon Jeffrey. Unfortunately, the usually all-but-automatic extra point was blocked, leading the team’s account to tweet this:


#TryingToSmile may very well be one of the saddest things I’ve seen a professional sports team tweet. I decided to offer up my support. 

 To which the team responded…


 It’s okay, Bears! As we say up on the North side, there’s always next year!