Every so often, I have a day where I just don’t feel like I’m me. I feel like the world doesn’t see me as a woman; like the world doesn’t see me as trans, even. I just feel like the world sees me as a guy, as a person who isn’t me.
I ran into a friend when I was out walking the other day, said “hi,” a quick exchange of pleasantries and a hug; then I was on my way. Later, she said (and she meant well, I know) “that was the first time you’ve sounded like [birth name] in a long time.”
Thinking about it, I feel like I sink into the autopilot of the “old me” when I feel threatened or not accepted. This presents a problem for me. How can I expect people to take me seriously as myself if I keep falling into mannerisms I used to force myself into following in order to seem “normal?”
I don’t know. I guess I need to work on breaking down some walls within myself. If I can’t accept me, no one will accept me.