Transition is slow. Slow. S-L-O-W.
Patience is a tough thing to come by in a situation like this. Imagine going from feeling extremely uncomfortable all the time to having the knowledge that one day you won’t be uncomfortable. Knowing that there will be a day where you don’t feel uncomfortable doesn’t do anything to ease your current state of discomfort. I think that’s the best way to describe the waiting game associated with transition.
The embarrassment of being out in public in “girl mode,” but still publicly viewed as a boy… sigh… it’s annoying, it’s frustrating, it’s saddening. I just want to know what it is that gives me away.
A friend suggested that maybe it’s my voice. Maybe it is. My voice isn’t deep, but I think it just has “dude resonance,” which is not the most feminine sounding thing in the world. There are techniques I could practice, but I have such difficulty going from hearing/reading/seeing these techniques to actually being able to mimic them with my own throat.
And, if it is my voice that gives me away, no amount of hormones in the world will correct that (hormones do not affect voice). That’s a bummer. I really wish I knew how to manipulate the muscles in my throat the correct way.
But that might not even be it. I still don’t really know what I need to do. I have trouble seeing any actual physical changes. “Patience, patience” is the answer, but it’s certainly not a satisfying one.